Fantastic Four Review

The closer the release for this got, the more obvious it was becoming that it wouldn't be pretty. Not only did the final trailer showcase some painfully bad lines of dialogue, some of which thankfully aren't in the final film, but the studio removed and modifed scenes from what could have been a superior adaptation at the very least including major action set pieces, its director threw a fit on the set and its leading actors were ignored at Comic Con. Fox knew they had a stinker in their grasp, so they embargoed the reviews until before its UK release. Now it's here, and it's the worst-reviewed superhero, let alone Marvel, film in years. Worse than goddamn Ghost Rider 2. Having seen a hell of a lot of good movies this year and movies whose reviews flat-out lied to me, I just had to see it just to find out how bad it really was. It's not made by complete assholes, after all.

This version of Fantastic Four is basically 2015's Amazing Spider-Man 2, but could be best described as Marvel's Man of Steel. It's dark for some reason and it spends its first two fifths with promise leading up to misguided superhero clutter. But honestly, I don't really think it's as terrible as its Tomatometer suggests. Oh, it's a weirdly produced movie. It's humourless and any attempts at comic relief fall flat, and it's on a similar level of boring to the first Tim Story film, but before the one-year timeskip it's not that bad of a reimagining. The way the 4 and Doom are introduced are interesting enough, a slight subversion of what other attempts at adapting the heroes have done that kinda works. Of course, with great irresponsibility comes great power. Heh heh. Problem is, thanks to fan backlash, Doom is an American-born computer guy retaining the birth name "Victor von Doom", which can't be taken seriously in a movie that tries too hard to be on par with Fox's X-Men movies (unless it's for the same cause as "Johnny Storm").

This is all before things get worse quality-wise. Some of the acting, for instance. A good chunk of the effects are some of the fakest that can be found in a Hollywood production this year, depending on which VFX studio produced it. The writing gets cheesier and cheesier, leaving its dark tone feeling all the more out of place. The music has a freaking odd Spielbergian vibe to it (even the movie early on feels kind of like a poor man's Super 8), and gradually becomes the second worst thing about it. It's a chore to decide which is the real problem - 20th Century Fox's meddling, or the director of Chronicle himself (though apparently, the former seems likely). And yet, the whole thing didn't make me angry. My facial expression more or less lived up to the team's faces on the poster while watching it. It's a film I didn't like but would rather see over Ryan Reynolds' Green Lantern or the Ghost Rider films any day.

Still, it's not worth seeing unless you feel you've seen too many quality movies, find yourself talking too little about the latest films or just want to keep up with the superhero craze, because otherwise just let it bomb and, if in North America, see Shaun the Sheep instead. If elsewhere, I hear The Gift's pretty great. Because unless a deal is made with Kevin Feige, these heroes ain't going to get a fantastic film adaptation any time soon.