The Honeymooners : Season 3

Ralph is getting paid one hundred dollars to be in a commercial for Choosy Chew Candy. He asks Norton to help him rehearse the lines he must memorize but ends up knowing less about what he has to say that when they first started. Later, Ralph gets a toothache. After unsuccessfully trying different remedies suggested by Alice and Norton, he finally goes to Dr. Durgom, the family dentist. The dentist wants to pull Ralph's tooth but when he steps out to answer a phone call, Ralph grabs a bottle of

Ralph doesn't want to go to Alice's sister Sally's wedding because he has tickets to the world series. He and Alice battle it out with no resolution. Ralph meets Norton for lunch and they come up with a surefire scheme. They're going to trick Stanley, the groom, into eloping right away. That night Ralph and Norton show up at Sally's house with a ladder but Stanley is afraid of heights, so Ralph is stuck going up the ladder to get Sally's luggage. Sally and Stanley have a fight and call the whole

Alice finds a love letter in the cookbook that she has borrowed from Trixie. Upon examination, Trixie reveals that the letter was written by Ed. Ralph also reads the letter -- and immediately assumes that Alice has a secret lover. Anxious to determine the identity of ""the other man,"" Ralph and Ed head down to the office of a handwriting analyst. Inevitably, she concludes that Ed was the author of the romantic note. Running time: 37:46 NOTE: After it's initial airing, this episode was lost.

Morgan and Weaver, from a corrupt local political party, visit Ralph and ask him to run for assemblyman on their ticket. Ralph is so impressed with himself that the pair has him believe that he can be President some day. Alice suspects that the two men want Ralph to be their stooge, but Ralph interprets her skepticism as a lack of faith in him. The Kramdens and Nortons take to the streets to campaign. Morgan and Weaver see this and call Ralph an idiot for exposing himself to the public, and it

The Kramdens and Nortons don elaborate costumes in anticipation of attending a Halloween party. No sooner has Ralph ripped up his tuxedo, intending to create an ""elegant bum"" costume, than he learns that the party is actually a birthday party for his boss -- and formal attire is mandatory. Running time: ?:?? NOTE: This episode is not in syndication, but does appear on MPI home video, but not yet on DVD. MPI does intend to include this episode in the new, repackaged ""Lost Epiosde's"" DVD set

Ed moves in with Ralph and Alice moves in with Trixie after domestic battles in the Kramden and Norton households.

Ralph and Alice are contestants on Beat the Clock. They succeed on their first stunt, where Alice has to propel a cup with a can of whipped cream into a net Ralph is holding in his teeth, and are in the middle of their second, where they have to catch lemons in a cup and stack the cups while keeping a balloon from hitting the ground, when time runs out and they're asked to return the next week. Of course they will -- a 21-inch color TV is at stake. Ralph and Alice practice their stunt at home,

Alice's brother Frank is coming for dinner. Ralph has hated Frank ever since he cheated him out of a promotion when they both worked for the WPA. According to Ralph, Frank's ""a moocher, a swindler, and a bum!"" Frank antagonizes Ralph during dinner, and then tries to put the finger on him and Alice for five hundred dollars to buy a hotel in New Jersey that's located right where a new highway is supposed to be built. The Kramdens don't give him the money -- Alice agrees with Ralph this time --

Ralph's gonna get rich by writing hit songs. He gets the idea when he learns that the Raccoon Lodge has contracted to pay a professional songwriter one hundred dollars to write a lodge theme song -- and that the hundred dollars is peanuts compared with what the songwriter makes writing pop songs. Ralph's first step to stardom is to recruit Norton to play the piano and write the music to Ralph's lyrics. Ralph keeps Norton up all night trying to write songs, while waging running battles with Alice

This second version of the sketch is still considered lost.

Ralph sues Norton over ownership of a television set Norton won in a movie theatre raffle.

It's Norton's birthday, the Kramdens are treating for a night out, and Ralph's looking to get off cheaply. He doesn't want the Nortons to think he's cheap, though, so he tells Alice to suggest that they go to the movies (instead of to the Kit Kat Club, where Norton took Ralph on his birthday). It's been a banner day for Norton -- he's gotten a new vest from Trixie, a hand-carved mahogany surf board from the boys in the sewer, and a monogrammed scarf from the Kramdens -- and going to the movies

The International Order of Loyal Raccoons are planning a trip to Chicago for their annual convention, and to help get themselves in the mood for the festive occasion they've invited the Great Fatchamara -- ""the world's greatest hypnotist,"" and a Raccoon from Bayonne to the lodge to entertain them. He hypnotizes Ralph and Norton and tells Ralph he is Norton, and Norton, Ralph. He tells them they're at a bowling alley, and each acts as if he's the other: ""Ralph"" is angry because ""Norton""

The International Order of Loyal Raccoons are planning a trip to Chicago for their annual convention, and to help get themselves in the mood for the festive occasion they've invited the Great Fatchamara -- ""the world's greatest hypnotist,"" and a Raccoon from Bayonne to the lodge to entertain them. He hypnotizes Ralph and Norton and tells Ralph he is Norton, and Norton, Ralph. He tells them they're at a bowling alley, and each acts as if he's the other: ""Ralph"" is angry because ""Norton""

Ralph and Norton run into Herman Gruber, a boyhood friend of Ralph's from P.S. 73. Herman isn't married yet, so Ralph decides to find him a girl. He calls Evelyn Fensterblau and asks her what she's doing the following night, and she hangs up on him. He has better luck with Charlotte Stadtelman from the bus company, who agrees to date Herman. The next day at the beauty parlor Trixie hears the latest gossip -- Ralph called Evelyn and asked her for a date! Trixie tells Alice, and when Alice

Ralph's big mouth lands him in trouble again when he makes idle boasts to a fatherless boy who idolizes him.

Ralph is collecting money from all the bus drivers for a wedding present for the boss's daughter. He hopes the gift will mean a raise for the drivers--and maybe a promotion for himself. It's Alice's birthday, and her mother pays a visit. As soon as Ralph comes home, a battle royal between him and Mrs. Gibson begins. A delivery boy from Steinhardt's jewelry store arrives with a package that contains a watch Ralph bought for the boss's daughter. Alice thinks it's her birthday gift and is ecstatic.

Ralph loses a night's sleep trying to patch up a quarrel between Ed and Trixie.

Ralph and Alice adopt a baby.

Norton has discovered astrology, and Ralph thinks he's nuts, especially when Norton tells him the stars say he shouldn't ask his boss, Mr. Malone, for the raise he planned to request that day. Norton also sees in the stars that Ralph will have an accident that day and will be rendered speechless. When a window falls on Ralph's hand and the pain is so great that he can't utter a sound, Ralph becomes hooked on the stars too. He doesn't ask for the raise, and Alice is furious when she learns the

Norton has discovered astrology, and Ralph thinks he's nuts, especially when Norton tells him the stars say he shouldn't ask his boss, Mr. Malone, for the raise he planned to request that day. Norton also sees in the stars that Ralph will have an accident that day and will be rendered speechless. When a window falls on Ralph's hand and the pain is so great that he can't utter a sound, Ralph becomes hooked on the stars too. He doesn't ask for the raise, and Alice is furious when she learns the

A bus-company inspector gets on Ralph's bus and tells him he's getting too fat to drive a bus. Ralph goes home and checks a bus company height and weight chart, and discovers that for his height--six feet tall--he's four pounds under the maximum weight for a man his height. Later that night, with a clear mind, he goes to the monthly Raccoon Lodge banquet and eats up a storm. After the feast, one of the Raccoons bets Ralph that he's not six feet tall, and it turns out he's right--Ralph's only 5

The Kramdens have new next-door neighbors--the Fallons, from Bayonne. Ralph welcomes the new guy by inviting him to join him and Norton for pool, bowling, and lodge meetings, but Fallon is busy all the nights Ralph and Norton go out together--he spends all those nights with his wife. Alice, who earlier had been stood up for a movie date with Ralph because he had to bowl with the Hurricanes, feels like a discarded dishrag next to Mrs. Fallon. Later, Trixie tells Alice that she read in a magazine

When the building landlord (Jack Benny in a surprise cameo) refuses to make repairs to the Kramden apartment, Ralph withholds the rent money and spends it on some garish redecorating.

Ralph and Norton have entered the annual amateur night at the Halsey Theater, where the grand prize is two hundred dollars. Their act consists of a mind-reading bit, jokes and a Laurel and Hardy impersonation, and a song-and-dance routine. When Ralph comes home from work, he discovers he and Norton are going to have some stiff competition: Alice and Trixie are doing a hula song and dance. Ralph is against Alice's performing, but Norton is more understanding; Trixie had been in burlesque, he