Cars 2 Review

Man, this movie. What made Kung Fu Panda 2 so good was that it explained things. It gave answers to all questions we had about the first one. A month later, Disney made Pixar their bitch and instead of what became two movies about wolves and parrots released this heaping mess.

Now, I admit to liking the first Cars because it put a familiar story to good use. Mater was also a fun character. But because people liked Mater, Johnny Boy thought it'd continue Pixar's stream of success to make him the star, when Larry the Cable Guy is known as one of the worst comedians known to man, and when he's the star of a sequel that he wasn't the star of to begin with, you're in for trouble aplenty (e.g. Tooth Fairy 2 and Jingle All the Way 2).

But that isn't even the biggest problem I have with this movie. Just look at the world of Cars. You'd expect them at some point to reveal how they made everything the way it is, from drawing to using devices. Surely this can't be a post-apocalyptic universe because there are cars drawn onto everything, as well as puns like "Towkyo". Pixar would usually care to tell us how things work! Hell, it's clear how things work in Blue Sky's Robots because they have arms and legs! But these characters! They have wheels! Since when did they exist? How do they reproduce? How are they born? If they urinate gas then does that mean they're drinking their own pee? How do they type and draw those thiALTNETP (ETWQ*U$ £"UT_£$}U*Taz sounds* CUCKOO CUCKOO QUACK QUACK QUACK YABBA DABBA DOOOOO IT'S NOT UNUSUAL TO BE LO*smack*

Okay, now that I've calmed down, when I saw this at a Q&A screening, John Lasseter, who seemed to be prouder of this than any other film in his career, told us that Pixar makes sure nothing bad ever goes into their films by "spanking the bad stuff". Is Johnny entirely sure of this? He also believes that people will look at this in the future as a masterpiece like Toy Story, because Toy Story "got a lot of bad reviews". When society has dumbed down, maybe so. But for now, congratulations, Johnny, you've just squandered an entire reputation of care and intelligence. Spank harder.