• Air date: 21 Sep '09 22 episodes
      The seventh season of Two and a Half Men premiered in the United States on September 21, 2009, and in Australia on September 28, 2009.
  • List of Episodes (22)
    • 1. 818-jklpuzo

      21 Sep '09
      Charlie must make a difficult decision about his future and with which woman he wants to spend his life: Chelsea or Mia.
    • 2. Whipped Unto the Third Generation

      28 Sep '09
      When Chelsea convinces Charlie to let Alan's new girlfriend, Melissa, move in, the girls end up taking over Charlie's house.
    • 3. Mmm, Fish. Yum.

      05 Oct '09
      Alan ends up playing maid to Judith's new baby as well as his former mother-in-law. Meanwhile, Jake uses an incriminating photo to blackmail Charlie.
    • 4. Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator

      12 Oct '09
      Alan starts working for Evelyn as Charlie works to fix the relationship between Chelsea and Jake.
    • 5. For the Sake of the Child

      19 Oct '09
      Jake stops at nothing to get away from Charlie and Alan, after they embarrass him out in public.
    • 6. Give Me Your Thumb

      02 Nov '09
      Alan's advice to Chelsea that she get breast-reduction surgery is not met with enthusiasm by Charlie, who kicks him out, but staying with Evelyn has its own challenges.
    • 7. Untainted by Filth

      09 Nov '09
      Alan and Charlie are shocked when they wake up next to a strange woman, and try to find out what happened.
    • 8. Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.

      16 Nov '09
      While overcoming a bad break-up, Chelsea invites her beautiful college roommate to stay at the house.
    • 9. Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair

      23 Nov '09
      While Alan struggles to cure his baldness, Charlie deals with the problem that he can't satisfy Chelsea.
    • 10. That's Why They Call It Ball Room

      07 Dec '09
      Chelsea wants Charlie to take dancing lessons for the wedding, when Charlie uncovers the truth that Chelsea has been lying about her finances.
    • 11. Warning, It's Dirty

      15 Dec '09
      Jake is taught the art of infidelity by Charlie, whose girlfriend is away for Christmas.
    • 12. Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste

      11 Jan '10
      Jake hopes to win back Celeste by writing her love songs. Alan and Herb hope to keep Judith from finding out they've become friends.
    • 13. Yay, No Polyps!

      18 Jan '10
      Charlie opts to have a colonoscopy in order to avoid going on a trip with Chelsea to see her parents. However, when he returns home, he finds her parents at his house.
    • 14. Crude and Uncalled For (1)

      01 Feb '10
      Charlie suspects Chelsea likes the lawyer representing Alan after his arrest for a bar fight.
    • 15. Aye, Aye, Captain Douche (2)

      08 Feb '10
      Chelsea and Charlie's relationship is at risk when Charlie's jealousy comes between them.
    • 16. Tinkle Like a Princess

      01 Mar '10
      Charlie runs off to Vegas and returns with a new wife, but she's not Chelsea.
    • 17. I Found Your Moustache

      08 Mar '10
      Charlie and Chelsea have a post-breakup one-night stand.
    • 18. Ixnay on the Oggie Day

      22 Mar '10
      Charlie has a return engagement with Chelsea's best friend, while Alan has an unexpected effect on a new female patient.
    • 19. Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave

      12 Apr '10
      Alan is torn between the bad influence of Jake's new friend and the hotness of his mother.
    • 20. I Called Him Magoo

      10 May '10
      Alan tries for an intimate night at a hotel with his new girlfriend, while Charlie takes a different approach to obtain the "girlfriend experience"
    • 21. Gumby with a Pokey

      17 May '10
      Charlie is visited by the ghosts of his ex-girlfriends while Alan and Jake are on a road trip.
    • 22. This is Not Gonna End Well

      24 May '10
      Charlie is miffed over Alan's planned attendance of Chelsea's birthday party and suffers the indignity of having Jake chauffer him around following a license suspension.