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History Bites : Season 5
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Air date: 17 Apr '04 - 15 episodesHistory Bites was a television series on the History Television network that ran from 1998-2003. Created by Rick Green, History Bites explored what would be on television if the medium had been around for the last 5,000 years of human history. Typically, a significant historical event was chosen and mock news, sports and entertainment programming was created around it. Each episode included several segments of Green offering historical background of the episode's chosen era and otherwise showed frequent shifts from one comedy sketch to another representing a channel-surfing viewer who never watched any one sketch for more than a few minutes at a time. Reruns of History Bites are currently being shown on History Television and The Comedy Network.
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List of Episodes (15)
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History Bites (1998)
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1. The Osborgias
17 Apr '04A dysfunctional family (The Borgias) who bullied their way into the Papacy and almost destroyed the Catholic church with their scandalous vices; A deadly parody of The Osbournes, following Pope Alexander as he battles with his favourite mistress and most important bastard children.
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History Bites (1998)
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2. Talkin' Turkey
24 Apr '04The first Thanksgiving with the Pilgrim at Plymouth is done as a parody of All In The Family. Other parodies include a Batman-like cartoon called 'Captain Puritan', George on Seinfeld worrying about whether to emigrate to the New World, and Woody Allen obsessing on the persecution of his people, the Puritans.
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History Bites (1998)
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3. Never Been Kissed
01 May '04The story of a bizarre but chivalrous knight who toured Europe in a white dress and blonde wig jousting and battling for ladies honour. Ulrich promotes his 'Venus' tour on Live With Regis & Kelly, where he ends up brawling with a famous Christian theologian who claims that the Church believes women are far from pure.
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History Bites (1998)
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4. The Politics Of Puffy Pants
08 May '04The Reign of Terror, the executions, and the death of firebrand Robespierre are all explored in a parody of Seinfeld. Jerry, Kramer, George, Elaine, and Newman try to cope with dating, free love, death sentences, and the banning of religion in Paris.
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History Bites (1998)
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5. I Pray The Fifth
15 May '04The Cathars were a break away group of French Christians who rejected most of the Catholic Church's practices and beliefs. And they were persecuted to death for it. Their story is presented as a 20/20 look back at the history of the Cathars, which becomes a parody of Communism and the McCarthy hearings.
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History Bites (1998)
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6. A.D.D. In 1510 AD
22 May '04The original Renaissance man meets the original Renaissance woman as Martha Stewart visits Leonardo Da Vinci's workshop. Leo demonstrates painting, anatomy, dissection, fortress building, weapon design, and much more. The episode also features a folk singer, Gordon Slicefoot, crooning about the perils of human dissection. There's parodies of Married With Children, and ads for some of the more bizarre products of the 15th century.
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History Bites (1998)
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7. The Truth Is Out There
29 May '04Custer's defeat at the Battle of Little Big Horn as seen through the eyes of the West Files (X-Files) team. Agents Mulder and Scully confront the evidence and then head west because ""the truth is out there"". With the help of the Lone Gunmen and the cigar-smoking man, they uncover germ warfare, government cover-ups, and mysterious creatures known as Indians.
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History Bites (1998)
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8. Marco & Nick's Excellent Adventure
12 Jun '04Marco Polo's book about his adventures across Asia and the court of the Kublai Khan was a huge hit across Europe. So this hot author guests on Letterman to defend his work against claims that it's fabrication and exaggeration. Then Marta Stewart drops by to demonstrate her recipe for Mongol beverages.
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History Bites (1998)
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9. Tax This!
19 Jun '04""Live from beautiful downtown Boston..."" America's political and social upheaval is presented in a parody of the hottest show from a later upheaval, with the American Revolution on 'Laugh In'. Guest political figures such as Ben Franklin yuck it up with regulars Dick and Dan, giggling Goldie Hawn, Artie Johnson, and Lilli Tomlin.
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History Bites (1998)
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10. Queen Takes Queen, Checkmate
26 Jun '04It's the rival regents of the Renaissance, Mary Queen of Scots and Elizabeth the 1st, battling it out on Jerry Springer. There's surprise guests waiting back stage, shocking revelations, and plenty of mud slinging in a battle royal for the throne.
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History Bites (1998)
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11. Got You Dead To Rights
03 Jul '04The incredible story of a Pope who was dug up and put on trial by an angry, and apparently crazy, rival. The weirdest trial of the Dark Ages is presented on a parody of 'The Practice.'
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History Bites (1998)
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12. Girls! Girls! Girls!
10 Jul '04A dead-on parody of The Bachelor explores the Mormon's early practices of polygamy. As the eager Bachelorettes discover, being wife number four isn't all it's cracked up to be.
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History Bites (1998)
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13. To Boldly Go...
17 Jul '04Imagine the story of the Spanish Conquistadors in Peru as an episode of the classic original Star Trek. Imagine Pizarro and his crew as Spock, Bones, Scotty, and Sulu, and the Incas as the bizarre aliens they must defeat.
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History Bites (1998)
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14. A Win-Win War
24 Jul '04The War Of 1812 as reported by CNN's Crossfire. We hear from generals and politicians on all three sides: British, American, and Native American. It appears the British and Americans are claiming victory, while the Natives are claiming foul.
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History Bites (1998)
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15. A Newtiful Mind
31 Jul '04At The Movies With Ebert & Roeper reviews and shows clips from the new biographical film, 'A Newtiful Mind."" We learn how the mathematical and scientific genius spent most of his life working on biblical prophecy, and died a virgin.
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