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History Bites : Season 3
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History Bites was a television series on the History Television network that ran from 1998-2003. Created by Rick Green, History Bites explored what would be on television if the medium had been around for the last 5,000 years of human history. Typically, a significant historical event was chosen and mock news, sports and entertainment programming was created around it. Each episode included several segments of Green offering historical background of the episode's chosen era and otherwise showed frequent shifts from one comedy sketch to another representing a channel-surfing viewer who never watched any one sketch for more than a few minutes at a time. Reruns of History Bites are currently being shown on History Television and The Comedy Network.
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List of Episodes (24)
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History Bites (1998)
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1. Vikings ￃﾃￂﾠ la Mode
When the Vikings invaded France in 911, King Charles didn't call 911. He said, ""You want a ransom to leave my land? Forget it. Rule the land. See how you like it."" Suddenly the war lords had become landlords. Can fighters learn farming? Will home ownership civilize the Northmen?
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History Bites (1998)
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2. The Captain Who Couldn't Sail Straight
The bizarre mutiny of Henry Hudson's crew and the trial of the survivors who made it back to England. Who's to blame? The crew men who made it home? Or the heroic Hudson. The hapless Hudson is played as Homer Simpson, and the voyage becomes a spoof of The Blair Witch Project.
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History Bites (1998)
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3. Battle Of The Anti-Popes
In 1490 there were two Popes in Europe, each claiming to be the one true leader of the Church, and each competing for power. A Television look at the great schism, as Larry King and news anchors interview the sparring Popes. The solution, a third Pope. It happened, and we're there live to cover the confusion.
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History Bites (1998)
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4. Nero Business Like Show Business
Nowadays, show biz people are jumping into politics. In 65 AD the most powerful politician in the world wanted to be an entertainer. The story of a corrupt Emperor leading a corrupt government during a time of great economic prosperity as Nero guest stars on Late Night With David Letterman. Meanwhile over on 20/20, an investigation shows that Nero's budding show business career is killing actors more than audiences.
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History Bites (1998)
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5. Truth Or Prayer, The Crusade Tour
The Blonde Ambition Tour of the sexy and beautiful Queen of France, who goes to the Holy Land on a mission from God. Done as a parody of Madonna's movie Truth Or Dare, it's a medieval mockumentary that follows the crusading antics of the original ""Material Girl"".
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History Bites (1998)
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6. Goodbye Tudor Rose
The death of a much loved, in fact overly loved, royal. In a sly spoof of the media frenzy around another scandal plagued Royal, we look at Catherine Howard, Henry VIII's sixth. There's news coverage with reaction from ordinary citizens, palace spokesmen, her family, his family, and pretty much everyone else in England. The media frenzy that turns into a media circus.
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History Bites (1998)
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7. The Duelling Transvestite
As the world shakes under political change and technological breakthroughs all anyone can talk about is the guy who might be a gal. The true, bizarre story of a French diplomat who suddenly announced he was a woman and blackmailed the King of France into buying him a closet full of ladies wear. Larry King talks to her in person, while other channels feed the media frenzy over this cross-dressing diplomat.
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History Bites (1998)
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8. Rebel With A Cause
The story of the trial and crucifixion of Jesus, told from the Roman perspective. To Christians it's the greatest tragedy and triumph. To the Romans, it's just another local political problem to be dealt with in the Roman Way. Harshly. Follow a special 20/20 investigation that delves deep into this new ""cult"" of Christianity.
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History Bites (1998)
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9. Dracula's Evil Twin
The legend of Dracula was inspired by the life of medieval madman Vlad the Impaler, a Wallachian Prince who was actually far more frightening than any vampire. After banishment, punishment and disgrace, he's back and on the throne again! Barbara Walter talks to the monster who claims he has a good sense of humour and can bring law and order to his Balkan state. Plus reaction out on the street to the news that he's back.
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History Bites (1998)
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10. Neolithic Park
A look back 6000 years ago as humans discover agriculture, mining, and new tool making techniques. As hunting is replaced by agriculture, experts question the safety of ""Genetically Engineered"" food. A spoof on the issues of progress and technology facing our modern world.
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History Bites (1998)
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11. My Pharaoh Lady
In Ancient Egypt only men could become Pharaoh. And only men have beards. So that can't be a woman on the throne, cause she has a beard. Or rather, he has a beard. Hatshepsut, the ambitious and powerful ruler of the world's greatest Empire goes on the David Letterman show to explain why she's the woman who should be King. Meanwhile, her jealous nephew tells Barbara Walters that he should be wearing the beard. Even if he is too young to actually grown his own.
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History Bites (1998)
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12. Between Me & My Calvin
Protestantism proves that it can be just as intolerant, narrow-minded, and politically motivated as the Catholic Church he was trying to replace. Judge Judy listens to both sides of a court case involving John Calvin and a French scholar who wants to be part of the new Protestant movement.
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History Bites (1998)
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13. Alexander's Wartime Band
The story of the ambitious kid who built an empire that spanned the known world. He's the Bill Gates of 340 BC. Done as live coverage of a press conference to announce his latest acquisition in a hostile takeover, namely India. But the man who grabbed more land in less time than perhaps anyone in history is suddenly felled by a terrible disease: homesickness.
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History Bites (1998)
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14. Monk On A Hot Tin Roof
A priest takes over Florence. He kicks out the Royalty, bans the church, claims only he has the ear of God and starts running things his way. The church fights back and after a series of challenges both sides agree to a trial by ordeal. Whoever walks on the fire and doesn't blister his feet is the winner. It's a live sports broadcast from the opening heresies to the sudden death deluge.
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History Bites (1998)
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15. Glengarry Glen Baa
As the Industrial Revolution began there was a huge demand for wool. And English landlords who owned vast tracts of Scotland discovered that sheep were more profitable than Scottish tenant-farmers. So the farmers were given the boot, and the sheep were given the fields. Ethnic cleansing for pasture? There are news reports, commercial parodies, and Larry King's lowdown on what's going on.
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History Bites (1998)
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16. Saladin's Last Stand
The story of the man who stopped the Crusaders, a hero of Islam who was so respected by the invaders from Europe they figured he had to be a Christian. We follow the struggle for the heart and mind of a Crusader boy who's been captured by Saladin's followers. Interspersed with live news coverage of the hostage taking are Nightline interviews, Letterman's Top Ten, and reports on the progress of the Crusades.
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History Bites (1998)
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17. The Mountie's Comical Ride
The bumbling and disorganization behind the North West Mounted Police's great trek to the west, as the featured on the gritty reality series 'COPS'. It's a story of incompetence, and ignorance of the land, the natives, and the climate of Canada.
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History Bites (1998)
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18. The Man Who Wouldn't Be King
The television profile of Oliver Cromwell, a harsh Puritan who had King Charles the first beheaded vows to bring Parliamentary democracy to England. Or else more heads will roll. The documentary shows Cromwell warts and all, at home and work. There's also parodies of Politically Incorrect, where the hot topic is, ""What should England do about the Jews?"" and a commercial for Puritan wash detergent which takes the colour out of life.
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History Bites (1998)
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19. A New Angle On The Gods
In Ancient Greece the sum of the square of the two sides equals the meaning of life as the cult of numbers expands geometrically. Will Pythagoras and his followers replace Mount Olympus with Mathematics? It's not science vs religion, it's science as religion on a special 20/20 investigative report on this strange new cult of numbers.
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History Bites (1998)
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20. When Irish Eyes Are Starvin'
The Great Irish Potato Famine caused a huge wave of immigrants to leave the old world for Canada (and the USA). It's a story of immigration and economics done as a telethon to raise money for food, or money to ship the Irish off to the new world. There are also on-the-street interviews with apathetic English citizens, and Larry King grills the politicians who did too little, too late.
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History Bites (1998)
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21. Gladiators: Too Hot For TV
Is a woman's place at home tending the slaves, or can they break into this all-male, all-wild animal, all condemned criminal, all doomed Christian preserve? Girl gladiators? Novelty act, or the next big thing in entertainment?
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History Bites (1998)
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22. The First Emperor
The story of the world's first Emperor, a man who conquered Mesopotamia in 2500 BC and set the pattern for innumerable brutal bullies to come. Barbara Walters talks to the great man himself, while on other channels there's game shows, commercials, and zany comedian ""Tom Ak'Green"" dressing as a temple virgin and getting himself gutted.
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History Bites (1998)
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23. There's Gold In Them Thar Beavers
Radisson & Groseilliers established an empire that eventually covered one twelfth of the earth's surface, ten times larger than the Holy Roman Empire. A dynasty built on rodent belly hair, The Hudson Bay Company. Then they got cheated out of their profits. Corporate monopolies, golden handshakes, and national conglomerates. It's the biggest business story of all time and Barbara Walters has exclusive interviews with these two amazing characters.
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History Bites (1998)
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24. The Shootout At Fly's Photographic Studio
The true facts behind the now mythical Shootout At The OK Corral, showing how the American media glamourized violence, and made heroes out of criminals as far back as the 1800's. Barbara Walters and the 20/20 team investigate the situation, while on other channels we see game shows, ads for dance hall girls, an infomercial for a vibrating girdle, and David Letterman's ""Top Ten Complaints About Tombstone Cops"".
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