Kalank Review

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Rohon Nag
  • 1.5/5
More like BLANK.

Clank… that’s the sound a metal object makes when it falls down hard and hits the ground. This movie should have been called that instead of Kalank.

It sinks so hard and so fast, it makes SRK’s ‘Zero’ look like a masterpiece. Heck, I would even take Himmatwala over it…

ok… maybe not…

Coming to the film itself, this movie is made by someone who has been given 1 single instruction by the producer the great Mr. Karan Johar...

MAKE IT GRAND.

Regardless of what the story, the plot or the characters are… MAKE IT LOOK GRAND. Doesn’t matter how the chemistry of the leads is doing, never mind the clunky dialogs, just MAKE IT LOOK AS GRAND AS POSSIBLE.

Having a great Art department is not the best formula to make a good film. It worked for Baahubali because the story called for it. Joharji was so affected by that film that he has decided to make all of his film look fake grand just for the heck of. Bring on the blue/green screens, fake CGI bulls and CGI landscapes.

In this film we see some town in pre-partition India. This town is entirely made of illogical architecture and it has exactly 5 locations in total. At least that’s what the film makes it look like. All the scenes have been set in these 5 locations. No variety at all. This makes the film drag a lot. The same sort of locale and shot is repeated innumerous times and by the end of it I was glad to see it all burn down to the ground… Spoilers? Not really.

The story is far too convoluted and idiotic to even bother with, so let me spare you the headache of going through it. Instead let’s talk about the acting.

Alia Bhatt is a good actor. She shines in every scene she is in, which is most of them. But her shine cannot hide just how bad the direction is or just how slow the pace of the film is.

Varun Dhawan plays Iron man, i.e a lohar. This is the type of film, which thinks that adding a racial stereotype of kohl below the eyes is the only way to define a character.

Aditya Roy Kapoor is brooding and does nothing much.

Among the veteran cast, Sanjay Dutt is wasted in an extended cameo and Madhuri is reduced to looking sad at times.

Nothing much happens for the first 45 mintues. I guess the producer Mr Johar went to sleep and woke up shouting, “MAKE IT GRAND… Do anything… just add done random action to it…”

Therefore, the director got inspired by Baahubali and added a bullfight sequence. Randomly, just like that. This fight doesn’t even take place in town, it takes place in some mountainside which looks like it’s located in Ladakh.

Post the so-called action sequence the film again falls hard and fast and snoozes its way to the intermission.

Maybe it was not edited properly, but the intermission sort of glitches out… there is scene of alia snuffing out a lamp. Black screen then suddenly she lights up a bulb in a different saree. Then the words Intermission comes…

Or maybe we all live inside the Matrix and its glitching out due to how bad this film is…

Post interval we again get some random shots from towards the end of the film…

Eh? What? Then the movie resumes.

There is a subplot of Iron workers who want to do something… at this point who cares. They are in the plot to kill one of the male leads and solve the love triangle.

The whole film is mostly slow motion shots, meaningless dialogs. Wasted cameos by veterans.

I am now tired of writing about this film! Just sit at home and watch your wall… That’s a better use of your time.

In the end of the film Alia’s character asks, what did you see in this film? Our love or the Kalank it’s said to be… I mentally replied, ‘I saw my watch to check the time… multiple times.’

Rating : 3.5/10. Avoid. Just AVOID. There is nothing good in the film.

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